Thursday, May 04, 2006

M:I:III Advance Review

Mister Fanboy Movies Review: M:I:III

Our very own Mister Fanboy Movies kicks off our first review with Mr. Crazy On Oprah's Couch new flick.

Last night I went to the most awesomest Tom Cruise movie ever, M:I:III. It was a premier. A premier of a movie is the first showing of a film. That's okay if you didn't know that. Not everyone is as big a fan of Tom Cruise as me and someone has to live in the Midwest where these things don't happen. First off, it's M:I III and not Mission Impossible 3, or Mission Impossible III, or even MI: 3. You can't be a real fan like I am without getting it right.

SPOILER ALERT! Don't read any further if you don't want to spoil the surprise.

Tom plays some character but it's really Tom Cruise so that's all that's important. The film opens up with a flash-forward scene (NOT a flashback) where Truman Capote is torturing Tom Cruise and his girlfriend/wife. The wife is not played by Tom's most awesome girlfriend Katie Holmes (from Batman Returns), or as us true fans and Us Weekly call them, TomKat. Even though it's not Katie, when she's all tied up with duct tape over her mouth and her hair in her face she looks like Katie so let's just assume that was Tom's plan all along and call her Katie. I am sure Katie was busy being pregnant and learning about Scientology. By the way, I don't understand why everyone harps on scientology so much. For one, they're called Christian Scientists. Christians can't be bad or wrong, look at our Kick ASS president. USA! USA. Also, they are called scientologists and scientists teach us stuff, which is great too. Really, is Tom ever wrong?

Then the story flies back in time so we can find out why Truman Capote is after Tom Cruise. As a spy, Tom Cruise tries to get something called the Rabbit's Foot. Why? I am not clear, but I am it's not the film's fault. It must be my own since Tom is never wrong. When Tom captures Truman Capote, the evil writer (who has gotten some sun and lost his lisp) swears vengeance on Tom. The film is directed by J.J. Abrams, who is the creator of Alias. He also created Lost, which I have never seen since it's on Wednesday nights and Wednesday is the day new comic books come out and I have to get on to the online comic book forums to point out all the continuity inconsistencies. Imean really - A Superboy doppelganger from a different reality killing our own cloned Superboy? Or Spiderman wearing a gold and red costume. REALLY!!! I really wouldn't be a true Fanboy if I didn't point these out now would I?

M:I:III also stars Felicity, who has moved from college to the world of international espionage WITH DIRE CONSEQUENCES! Mobius is in the film too, but he must have sold out Neo as he's wearing a suit. Anyone who wears a suit can't be trusted. Billy Crudup is in it too with the most pathetic goatee I have ever seen (worse than the geeky guy who fixes computers down the street), but he's not as cool as he was when he voiced Ashitaka in Princess Mononoke, a high water mark for fans of anime like me. Marsellus Wallace plays a coworker of Tom's, without the creepy bondage gear. Some guy with a British Accent and some Asian chick who was not in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon round out the important characters in the cast.

On balance, I enjoyed the film, despite it's straying from some of the previously established characterizations from the first two films. (Would Tom really stop being a spy and go to teach future spies instead? I think not). The explosions and stunts are fun. I wholeheartedly endorse the movie and encourage you to drop what you are doing and wait in line overnight so that you can be first in the theater for tomorrow, like that time me and my D & D club waited overnight for the Matrix films. One more thing, there are lots of rumors that Tom's in a sham relationship with Katie. That cannot be the case. She just had his baby. Are we to believe that he's really gay like Truman Capote and is only with Katie so people won't talk. I think not.

I'll be back in a few weeks for a review of X-Men: The Last Stand (not X3, but I am sure you already knew that).

Mister Fanboy Movies


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