Monday, November 27, 2006

Comics You Should Hide From Your Mother, Along With Your Weed, Porn, And Cat Fancy Magazine Backissues

Comix-Fan posted lists of the Top 10 Comics To Hide From Your Mother. That inspired us to come out with our own list 10+. To be sure, we don't tend to get the most objectionable comics, but we have our share. Here's our top 11 (why not 11?) in no particular order whatsoever.

Codename Knockout: Sexy over-sexed superspy with her hyper-sexed gay sidekick. It's like the WeHo version of Mission Impossible (but the kind where the star is out of the closet).

Bigger Dicks: Scat, semen, and violent humor. Yeah, that's right up mom's alley.

Punisher: Kill, kill, kill. Run mom, run.

Lost Girls: Mom does not need to see the XXX sexual escapades of her favorite fairy tale characters. Hell, we don't even want to see a sex scene in a "Hallmark Hall of Fame" movie while in the same room as her.

Girls: Cannibalistic cloned naked women who bed every man in sight. If that's not bad enough, there's the giant woman-ingesting sperm in the cornfield. The series is like a really whacked out episode of X-Files on shrooms (not that we'd know anything about that).

Fallen Angel: Catholic mom does not need to hear a rational reason as to why God doesn't care about us and never really did, thank you very much, regardless of how well written and painted the series is.

Lone Wolf and Cub: So violent that mom's would barf. As much as we would love it and its historical sensibilities, she would be turned off. In a moment of weakness we did consider showing her the films ... but then thought better of that.

The Filth: We didn't really understand this comic set in some sort of bizarro post-apocalyptic world that would be deemed extra-raunchy by even denizens of the French Quarter. It sure made us feel dirty.

Wanted: Violent and cruel, yes. However, it would not have made the list were it not for the last page. Haven't read it? Do yourself a favor and put it on your Christmas list for mom to buy for you without knowing the depths to which she is sending you.

Battle Pope: Our Catholic mothers would not approve of a wisecracking hyper-sexed Pope with next to no luving for piety. And he loves guns, particularly the kind that leave lots of carnage.

League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: There's one aspect in particular that makes this one a never see for our mums. The Anal rape of Invisible Man by Mr. Hyde. And the sick thing is, you're kinda cheering for Mr. Hyde.

Sadly, our mothers have gotten wind of this blog. The cat's now out of the blog. But we don't want to hear any harping moms as we warned you the commentary here may not be mother-approved. Hell no! Fuck that shit, goddamn it!


Blogger Wet For Went said...

Please Fanboy, if you love me , I ask that you mail me one copy of every comic on this list. Thank You.

1:51 PM  
Blogger Fanboy said...

I'll see what I can do. I just gave away about 250 issues yesterday as a wedding present (I shit you not).

9:37 AM  
Blogger Wet For Went said...

You GAVE AWAY 250? Jeez, how many did you have?

10:30 AM  
Blogger Fanboy said...

Well, let's assume that there's about 250 per longbox. I have somewhere around 20 boxes so that must be something like 5000 or so.

11:48 AM  

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