BREAKING: Bill The Cat Mourning Jeanne Kirkpatrick's Death - Suicide Watch Ongoing

We break into our regularly scheduled Super Friends Appreciation Week coverage for this breaking story ...

Bill The Cat is under observation following his dramatic suicide attempt this morning. Upon learning of his former love Jeanne Kirkpatrick's death in Bethesda, MD last night Bill sat atop the Golden Gate Bridge drinking, shooting up, main lining, tripping, and getting stoned. According to officer's on the scene, he mumbled "I'll O.D. again and join you in the great hereafter Jeannie - Thhhpt - Ack" before he was taken into custody. Mr. Cat. and Kirkpatrick were the toast of the town in the early 80s. Following their break-up, Mr. Cat carried on a well publicized affair with Betty Crocker. Crocker was quoted on CNN this morning as saying "Bill and that bitch Jeanne deserve to spend eternity together in the fiery pits of hell. No I am not bitter, dammit." Kirkpatrick's family requests that donations be made in her name to the Republican Party.