Miss Cleo's Crystal Ball: President Shrub's Address To The Nation Tonight

Today we unveil a new feature here at Mister Fanboy. Our dear friend Miss Cleo will occasionally send her prognostications to us, so that we can share the impending doom, hook-up, or financial windfall with you (well not really, but at least we will tell you about it).

Hell-oooo my good friends. Miss Cleo here wit an important insight into President Bush's speech tonight about Iraq. Let us consult my magical crystal ball.

*Da President will call for at least 20,000 additional troops. I am seeing da number 21,5000, though might be da number of hours of community service remaining on my sentence, mon.

*We have already lost da war. If we all look between da cushions of our couches, we will be able to find it again.

*Democrats will be called traitors by da talky Neo-Cons for disagreeing wit da prez. I don't know what a Neo-Con is but I tink it is da being who will one day walk dis Earth, a descendent of both Neo and Khan.

*Critics will refer to his policy as "rearranging da deck chairs on da Titanic." They are wrong. Iraq is already a failure. Da correct term is "blowing smoke up da American people's collective ass." I can feel da wind. Can you?

*Da President will claim there's hard work to do. He's right on that one, but he won't do it. He will "pass da buck" to da new administration, or to da Second Coming. Whichever gets here first, mon.

* We're fucked. That is all.