Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Mister Fanboy Movies' Top 10 Really Good Bad Movies

Mister Fanboy Movies joins us with his list of Top 10 Really Good Bad Movies.

Following on the heels of a similar list on Cinephilia (check it out!), I went through my archives to identify my favorite BAD movies. I was due to make a post anyway and since we are talking movies, I thought I would take the semi-original idea of others and palm it off as an original one of my own (see yesterday's post from The Gilded Moose for a great example of that). Some of the films straddled between REALLY bad and funny bad, so all of it's very subjective. Also, I realized that the 90s and 2000s are not yet represented, so I may need to remedy that case. Next month I hope to give out my list of truly bad movies.

Runner Up (In case any of the other films can't perform their duties). The Cars That Ate Paris: A 1974 Australian flick directed by Peter Weir. This is a hard one to describe. Basically, the townsfolk from Paris, Australia cause auto accidents to scrap and sell the cars of outsiders. Some are killed and others are absorbed into the town's population. Meanwhile, the teens in town have transformed their vehicles into things that look like they came from a Mad Max movie. A violent confrontation between kids and adults ensues.

10. Sheena: In this 1984 flick, a white girl is raised by African tribespeople in the bush following the death of her parents while in Safari. As a nubile adult, she teams up with a crusading journalist (Ted Wass, the dad from TV's Blossom) to stop the evil machinations of the country's Mugabe-like dictator. The film stars Tanya Roberts as Sheena. You might remember her from Charlie's Angels, A View To A Kill, Donna's mom from That '70s Show, or recent AM radio ads for cheesy Vegas vacations. She uses her ability to talk to communicate with animals to foil the plans of the dictator. If this appears as a Tarzan rip-off, you're right because it is (although she appears to be able to communicate with animals over a large distance, kinda like Aquaman from the old Super-Friends cartoon). The "passion" between Sheena and the reporter is as poignant as any coming-of-age story. But why didn't she hook up with any of the guys she lived with in the bush? Is she racist?

9. Chopping Mall: This 1986 horror film follows a group of teenagers (of course) who are trapped in a mall while being hunted by murderous Security-guard robots. Super-bad! Best dialogue: "Where will be hide? I know! We'll be safe in the Tom Mcan shoestore." Huh?

8. Xanadu: Olivia Newton-John stars as a Greek Muse - in a demigod sort of way. She comes to the help of a struggling artist by inspiring him to create a successful disco roller-rink. To reach Olympus, she roller skates through a mural painted onto a brick wall that mystically transports her. The music, in all it's disco splendor, really ads to this film. Gene Kelly also stars. Tip: Being very tipsy makes this 1980 film more enjoyable.

7. Lair of the White Worm: 1988 cheesy sci-fi/fantasy comedic-melodrama punctuated by action and horror. It stars Hugh Grant, Catherine Oxenberg and Amanda Donohoe. You know that if it's got Oxenberg in it, it's gonna be bad. Directed by Ken Russell (of course), the film centers on the magical the D'Ampton worm (this large snake-dragon worm thing) being summoned from ... Somewhere else. The best part: The witch with the strap-on ceremonial gold jewel-encrusted dildo. Now you KNOW you gotta see it.

6. Barbarella: The opening sequence of this 1968 film tells you all you need to know: Jane Fonda rolls around a bunch of furs in an orgasmic sequence while a rocket ship blasts off into space, sending her over the edge. Sex, sex, sex. That's all this film is. Think of the 80s version of Flash Gordon and add 50% more campiness and I think you've got it. Directed by Roger Vadim, Fonda's husband at the time, who clearly had no qualms about making his wife a sex-object for millions. Thanks Roger.

5. Hell Comes to Frogtown: Add one part nuclear apocalypse. Sift in mutant frog baddies. Add a dash of "Rowdy" Ronny Piper, as one of the last men on earth. Piper then "saves" the last group of fertile women on earth from the oversized frogs. Now sit back and enjoy this 1987 film you know you saw on "Night Flight" or USA's "Up All Night." Good stuff.

4. Tentacles: This 1977 film takes it takes itself way too seriously. Cast includes John Huston, Henry Fonda, and Shelly Winters, in addition to its Italian cast. The Americans are there mostly in cameo roles, but clearly for "star power" reasons and to take home a paycheck. This cheesy Italian film is obviously playing off of the success of Jaws. It follows the story of an evil octopus stalking the waters and coastline of this seaside Italian town. Luckily, orcas trained by some of the characters come to the rescue to save our main characters (just in the nick of time). The best part: The scenes filmed in a dark underwater place (pool?) where the obviously poorly made plastic tentacles are moved quickly through the water and accompanied by lots of bubbles, portents of the imminent arrival of the octopus.

3. Liquid Sky: Where to begin with this one? Released in 1982 and starring Anne Carlisle, the movie is so hideously bad is transcends it's badness. It takes itself so seriously and is so bad that its earnestness becomes hysterical. A super-cheesy UFO lands on top of the penthouse apartment of a bisexual woman (an androgynous model no less). Aliens are in search of heroin, but decide that the chemicals caused by the brain in orgasm are even better. Huh? It gets even better. The aliens kill everyone who has sex with her by shoving a glass pipette into their heads to suck out the chemicals. But then, the coup de grace: The victims dissolve. But, wait, there's even MORE kiddies. The aliens aren't ever seen and you get the sense that the filmmaker was going for some sort of punkish art house movie with frenetic images and shocking moments. It's shockingly hysterical.

2. Faster Pussycat, Kill, Kill: Lots of tits and ass, chicks with guns, and violence, these are a few of my favorite things ... and Russ Meyer's as well. Filmed in black and white, the 1965 film would probably shock audiences even today with its over the top revenge ideas for women "wronged." But the women also kill for what appears to be fun, and zero in on a crippled (but equally evil) rancher and his sons, purportedly hiding lots of money. We were lucky enough to see it a little over 10 years ago on the big screen at the Key Theater in DC at a Russ Meyer Film Festival (sadly, the theater's gone now). You'll have to turn over lots of stones to find it, but it's well worth it. Why are you still sitting there? Go out and find it.

1. Beyond the Valley of the Dolls: This 1970 movie has lots of interesting components. Russ Meyer's predilection for big bosoms and violence. Pam Grier's first film role (a cameo). A performance by the Strawberry Alarm Clock. The corrupting influence of the big city cliche, not to mention the city leads all good kids to drugs cliche. A violent tranny who subjects the cast to an orgy of violence as Superwoman. And the best part -- screenplay written by Roger Ebert! I will say no more. You know you want to see it. I hear the DVD comes out this summer.

-Mister Fanboy Movies


Blogger RC said...

interesting list...i haven't seen a one.

--RC of strangeculture.blogspot.com

10:54 PM  

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