Monday, June 05, 2006

We Are Not A Fan: Heat Inspired Movie Going

This weekend, life in our anonymous California coastal town was downright unpleasant! As the days progressed, our homes became ovens. Most of the homes in this area do not have air conditioning, as the coast can be cold. On Saturday, we sweated profusely as we watched the French Open on TV. Watched. Not played. Finally, we went outside where it was a bit cooler. Determined not to suffer through that again on Sunday, we decided to see a movie in an air conditioned theater. Of the films that would work with our schedule, we had to decide between Over the Hedge and The Da Vinci Code. Seeing as how we were not in the mood for children or small woodland animals, Over the Hedge was definitely out of the question. So we bit the bullet and jumped into The Da Vinci Code.

Having NOT read the book and having grown up Catholic, the Mister Fanboy staff had only a basic idea of what to expect with the story. Sure there were naysayers but who the hell cares what they think. I mean, these are the same people who think that K-Fed is bad for Brittney. Tom Hanks is okay and fluctuates in and out of an indescribable American accent. Audrey Tautou, the French actress who starred in Amelie, did an adequate job. Jean Reno was miscast. Ian McKellen stole the show, but was as almost over-the-top as he was as Magneto. Paul Bettany as the albino assassin monk seemed trite. And Alfred Molina as the Opus Dei bishop was barely used. Even though the acting was pretty much subpar and the history was fanciful and not really rooted in well established academics, we were able to turn a blind eye - until the last 5 minutes.

What happened then? Can't really say. Probably so much disbelief that acted like straw that broke the camel's back. In the very end, Tom Hanks looks for the tomb of Mary Magdalene. Where does he find it. Under the I.M. Pei Pyramid that was an addition to the Louvre. Are we to believe that when they built that addition, they managed to NOT disturb a 2000 year old grave site? Further, the clues that led him there, purported to be centuries old, led him to a pyramid, blah, blah, blah. In the now-cancelled TV series Alias, when they pulled the historical bullshit, at least they could pin it all on Rimbaldi, a centuries old Nostradamus type. Not so here. And then, to add insult to injury, visually, they imply that the Alexander Calder mobile hanging inside the pyramid (which is set above a gallery), points to the tomb. Again, an early 20th century artist. At that point, I got pissed at the filmmakers for assuming I was an idiot. Yeah, I know it's fiction, but hell, any comic book issue is more believable than that B.S.

So the moral of the story is, never see a movie just to be in air conditioning. I should have just gone to the library and watched a DVD on my laptop.


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