Friday, May 12, 2006

Breaking News Update: It's still all Phil's Fault

A few days ago, Mister Fanboy brought you breaking news about some guy named Phil who did something with this woman's neck.

Details are very slow to come in. However, we have learned the identity of the woman. She is Barbie Blondieri who currently resides in Resurrection City, Utah, a remote community about 200 miles southwest of Salt Lake City. We are still trying to ascertain the woman's past, as well as the true identity of this Phil character. However, we have learned a few things about her current life.

A Mormon Fundamentalist, Barbie (34), who now goes by the name Chastity Pariah, is married to one Gideon Jedediah (52). She is his 13th of his 15 wives. They have 7 children: Josiah (18), Sarah (16), Ezekial (14), Samuel (12), Esther (10), Ahab (8), Orrin (5), and Balthazar (2). Our sources indicate she is also presently pregnant with twins. Gideon is very proud of his wife's fertility and her ability to produce him so many sons, as is "God's will." Gideon married Barbie when she was 16 years old.

However, we have no evidence as to her life prior to meeting Gideon, other than a cryptic comment from one Millicent Smith of Resurrection City about Barbie's "previously heathen lifestyle."

Mister Fanboy realizes that none of this has anything to do with comics, movies, music, or TV, but is really intrigued by the thing on that woman's neck and will follow up the story vigilantly. If you or anyone you know has any news about this unfolding tragedy, please let Mister Fanboy know.


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